CrossFit Regionals Recap, Part 1

Brian Articles

This started off as a simple recap, but it turned into a novella and I’m sorry for that. I tried to write about all the details of our experience at Regionals without leaving anything out. Read it if you’d like, or leave it behind.

The Central East Regionals…

Starring:

Jacob “Coach” Rowell
Jake drove us to the Hocking Hills which were stocked full of Loganites (Logan, Ohio) and served as egg and bacon cooker extraordinaire. He was “el capitan” and served admirably. He may have been so nervous during every event that he was unable to take any photos. What a noob. Regardless, we salute you.

Clark “Thugnificent” Eliason
He nicknamed himself, I didn’t do it. Never one to be short on words or witty comebacks (except after WOD 1), Clark entered the arena feeling borderline invincible and exited feeling bruised and battered in a way that only CrossFit can whoop that ass. He will be back… and he will crush souls.

Brandon “The Bank Teller” Roberson
In his regular life, he’s a teller at a bank. WTF? How is that even possible? Thankfully, his ultra-intense alter ego came out to play at Regionals and he muscled us through WOD 4. At one point over the weekend, he may have wanted to befriend a raccoon. Or maybe he wanted to turn it into a hat, my memory is hazy.

Justin “JAW” Williams
His mouth and hands were talking non-stop at Regionals until he blew up his back, at which point only his mouth was fully functioning. He served as an endless tension breaker and we’re pretty sure that he snatched more than anyone else at Regionals. All in a tank top undershirt. God, I love this man.

Brian “The Replacement” Low
First of all, he wasn’t even supposed to compete, but Dave S had to go to UNC to watch his sister graduate, which is borderline sacrilege for a Dukie. Then, Justin broke himself and Brian had to step in for WOD 4. He hated it. Let’s not do that again.

Mackenzie “Mackerel” Farrell
One of our two girls who held it down in ways that the boys never could. She blasted through 4 WODs with a busted knee and came back Monday for more (go home and recover, please). She does chest to bar pull-ups and full range of motion handstand push-ups. She’s going to be a stud. Watch out.

Kathryn “Kat” Robinson
Already a stud, she trained for Regionals by working out 8 times a week. No one will ever accuse this girl of not caring because I will personally beat the shit out of the individual who says such a thing. She trained her weaknesses hard and her endurance and strength shined on WOD 4. Jake says she did 100 of our 200 deadlifts and I believe him because I was only semi-conscious by that point in WOD 4.

Mark “McDreamy?” Miller
He was the only loyal RVAite who made the drive to watch the spectacle that was CrossFit RVA. Thankfully, he was not so nervous that he couldn’t take pictures and they are on the interwebz now.

Without further adieu…

WOD 1
3 Rounds:
20 KB Swings
10 Chest to Bar Pull-Ups
20 Burpees
10 Box Jumps

Score is combined time of all 4 athletes.

On paper, a pretty normal CFRVA workout, but with the strict range of motion standards, the hot temperatures, and the humidity, this proved to be a doozy. Clark, Brandon, Kat, and Mackenzie kicked us off bright and early Friday morning and they tore out of the gate. Let me preface the rest of this by saying that 9 affiliate teams received a DNF on the workout due to the inability to complete the workout within the 20 minute time limit. The chest to bar pull-ups dominated guys and girls alike. For teams that DNFed, the inability of the girls to complete the C2B range of motion ultimately led to their demise. Not our girls though, they were too sweet for that.

The burpees proved to be an ass-kicker as well. Every rep involved taking a bite out of the grass, which meant chewing cud for the duration of the quad. Pure suck. At one point, Brandon of all people had no wind. No amount of encouragement or cajoling could get him moving again. If you’ve ever worked out with Brandon, you know that his pain tolerance is so extraordinary that he is borderline crazy and stopping is not an option. You know it’s tough if Brandon has to stop for air. Clark too, normally a met-con demon, met his match and was slowed by the combination of movements. Both of our male competitors had minor mental lapses mid-WOD. Brandon jumped over the sandbag and forgot to clap and Clark thought his shin was the bottom of his foot and crashed into the plyo box. The judge called a missed rep on Clark. Well, duh, thanks Captain Obvious.

What about the ladies?

Our. Girls. Shined. They were steady on the kettlebells, steady on the pull-ups, steady on the burpees, steady on the box jumps. Do you see where I’m going with this? They didn’t stop or slow on any movement. Spectacular is the only way to describe their prowess in the arena. Most impressive from our girls is that they got through their chest to bar pull-ups without a hitch. Think about that. Think about how many guys can do unassisted chest to bar pull-ups (not all of them). Now think about how many girls can do unassisted chest to bar pull-ups (even fewer than the guys). We are so proud of these girls that no amount of words can do them justice. Superstars.

Teams were broken and busted by this workout, our ability to complete it put us in a good place for WOD 2.

On to Part 2.